I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
