I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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