Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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