capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
