Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
