SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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