Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
