I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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