I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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