Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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