cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
