I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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