i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
