Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
