I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
