So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
