Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You're like the curious george of whores
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize