the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
