we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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