My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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