Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
