Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
