so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
