We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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