The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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