I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
