I forgot how hot balto sounded
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
