I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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