i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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