Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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