Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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