Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
