Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
