i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
