Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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