I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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