apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
