Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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