i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
