Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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