Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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