i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
