Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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