the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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