Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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