What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
