Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
