just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
