Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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