You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
