i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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