The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
