My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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