Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
