So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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