we have pet lesbian snakes
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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