So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
smell my finger.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
