im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I will be naked everywhere
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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