yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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