you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
