I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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