if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
