Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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