Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
